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It is no secret that Al Gore is looking for women. Not for himself of
course, although, with fin-de-siecle Democrats, one never knows. No, Mr.
Gore is looking for the women who will bring him and Integrity Joe to the
White House next November since the polling system he invented shows that
a vast majority of men have his number pat.
But the presidential debates with G.W. Bush showed that Moral Al is
not looking for just any woman. Dems do have taste after all, the sort
that matches ambitions perhaps but taste nevertheless, and pragmatic Al
is not about to waste precious porn donations on no-return investments.
A simple man, his needs are simple too: he wants women just like the ones
he already has, the Sowhat sing-along of years past.
He wants women like Gloria Steinheim who believes that Title VII allows
one harassing grope per defendant; like Eleonore Smeal who said that
Paula Jones' suit was not about sexual harassment and like Betty Friedan
who does not know who Juanita Broaddrick is. He wants women like Susan
Estrich who never turned her rapist in, assuming that there ever was one,
and like Naomi Wolf who believes onanism belongs in kindergartens. He
wants women like Maureen Dowd who can flip and flop on apparent (paid)
cue and like Molly Ivins who swears her man's booming economy has lifted
all workers' yachts.
He wants women like Patricia Ireland who sneaked sadomasochism into NOW's
women's rights agenda and like Camille Paglia who equates prostitution
with vocation. He wants women who see nothing wrong with a Chief Law
Enforcement Officer obstructing justice and those who have not understood
what his "Greatest President in History" has done to the nation,
especially the gals who do not know that there is one.
He wants all the women who do not take the time to read because they
think they don't have to; those who won't because men do the writing;
those who do but only the Democrat-devoted press to get the two sides of
each story and those who think that watching late-night comedians is
already plenty. He wants the ones who know nothing of Buddhism and its
temples, ignore that the cost of prescription drugs has soared under his
watch and agree that the Earth really rests in a balance.
He wants the gals who think that mafia is a craft-making twine, that
abortion pills are like aspirin, that partial-birth abortion is a woman's
right to choose and that infanticide is a weed killer. He wants women he
can count on like the ones in his Party, long on attitude and short on
principles, and he'll take any feminist turn-coat who will sell the
sisters in a jiffy. He wants the Women's Studies girls too, but only
those who believe that rape does not count if the rapist's wife does not
mind and those who believe that it happens when a man hands a piece of
paper out to a woman. He wants all those who know that passing a law is
just like enforcing it, that words are deeds, that torture is culture and
that sexual mutilation is a medical term for ear-piercing.
He wants the ones who will vote Democrat no-matter-what-because one must
support one's football team, those on the lookout for the Vast Right Wing
Conspiracy, those who do not want to talk about Impeachment because it
concerns a Democrat but would endlessly do had he been a Republican, and
he wants all those in between who expect half of the Supreme Court to
leave D.C. with the Clintons. Most of all, Al wants the young, who have
not faced life yet, and the aged, who cannot face it anymore.
GW can have the rest. |
